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Still, we chose to hope against reason, which is what the act of having a baby always is. We spent some of those darkest months with family, Zooming into work from my childhood bedroom while another sister worked from the floor below. Both of our fathers had surgeries (unrelated to COVID), and we wanted to be with them when these procedures took place. We scrolled the news obsessively and watched the COVID death counts tick horrifically up. The fragility of life was oppressively present. Free Gaza Palestine Flag Shirt But there were also moments of joy, many of them involving my small nephews, who were in my parents’ pod and came by to read books or run around the backyard.

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The thought of the baby sustained me. It gave me something to look forward to, a goal—and a way of distinguishing time in the slurry of sameness during that strange winter.  The people who liked to declare that they weren’t having children because they didn’t want to bring anyone into this broken world had sometimes struck me, in my private cynicism, as grandstanding to mask personal doubt. Free Gaza Palestine Flag Shirt But in the early plague months, I entertained some of those thoughts for the first time. Everything felt backward-moving. There was something medieval about how cheaply life was being treated,

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how some of the most vulnerable were bearing the brunt of it. What would happen with the intractable problems of climate change? Would the entirety of our child’s life be Free Gaza Palestine Flag Shirt spent toggling between decline and crisis? They were funny and sweet and had no real clue what was going on. (Preschool spring break had turned into a vague “germ break.”) It was clear that family, chosen or biological, was one of the only things that mattered when the normal infrastructure of society was peeled away. We knew we wanted to make a little one of our own.